My favorites:
#5: Stay away from people named "Some Guy" or "This One Dude", because they for whatever reason, just punch someone in the face or hit them with a crowbar and run off. If I see them on the street, I cross the street to get away from them.
#6 Never, ever leave flashlights, shampoo bottles, beer bottles or any long, circular object on the floor because someday you will fall on it and it will somehow, work its way up your rectum.
If you have taken 7 home pregnancy tests that are all positive, and you come into the emergency department...chances are that test too will come back positive.
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